Queer Codes & Secret Handshakes: The Unsung History of LGBTQ+ Communication

In an era where Pride flags wave freely and LGBTQ+ identities are increasingly visible, it's easy to forget a not-so-distant past when being openly queer could mean ostracization, imprisonment, or even violence. For centuries, across cultures, LGBTQ+ individuals devised ingenious ways to find and recognize each other, creating a rich tapestry of "queer codes" and "secret handshakes" that allowed community and survival to flourish beneath the surface of a hostile world.

Queer Codes

This isn't just about hidden signals; it's a testament to the human need for connection and belonging, forged in the fires of necessity.

Polari: The Language of the "Omee-Palones"

Imagine a vibrant, witty secret language, blending Italian, Romani, Yiddish, and theatrical slang, spoken with a knowing wink. That was Polari, a cant widely used by gay men in the UK from the late 19th century through the 1960s. Thriving in the theatrical world, fairgrounds, and London's underground gay scene, Polari was more than just slang; it was a shield and a bond.

A common phrase, "Bona to vada your dolly old eke," might sound like gibberish to an outsider, but to those in the know, it meant, "Nice to see your pretty old face." Speakers could discuss their lives, desires, and even critique the "naff" (a Polari word for uncool or tasteless, which later entered mainstream British slang!) heterosexual world right under the noses of unsuspecting police or onlookers. Polari created a sense of "us" against "them," allowing for a freedom of expression that was otherwise impossible. While its common usage declined after homosexuality was partially decriminalized in 1967 (and some saw it as perpetuating stereotypes), Polari remains a cherished part of queer British heritage, with words like "camp," "drag," and even "zhoosh" (to smarten up or improve) still subtly present in modern English.

The Hanky Code: A Colorful Language of Desire

Move over, dating apps! Before Grindr and Tinder, there was the Hanky Code, a discreet and ingenious system primarily used by gay men in the 1970s and 80s to communicate sexual interests and roles. Originating from earlier signals, it truly blossomed as a response to the need for clear, yet covert, communication in public spaces.

The premise was simple: a colored handkerchief or bandana displayed in a back pocket would signal a specific sexual preference or role. Left pocket often meant "top" (dominant), while the right pocket meant "bottom" (submissive).

The color was the key:

• Blue: Anal sex (dark blue for top, light blue for bottom)

• Red: Fisting

• Yellow: Watersports

• Black: S&M

• Green: Daddy/son dynamics

• And many more!

  
  

While seemingly about sex, the Hanky Code was also about community, safety, and a shared sense of belonging. It allowed individuals to connect with like-minded partners in an environment where openly verbalizing desires could lead to danger. It was a testament to the ingenuity of a community creating its own language of intimacy and connection.

Fashion Cues & Floral Signals: More Than Just Style

Beyond explicit codes, subtle fashion choices and even flowers became unwitting (or deliberate) signals of queer identity throughout history.

• Green Carnations: Famously popularized by Oscar Wilde's circle in late 19th-century Paris, gay men would sometimes wear a green carnation in their lapel. The artificial green color of the flower hinted at something "unnatural" or different, a subtle nod to their "unconventional" desires.

  
  

• Violets & Lavender: For queer women, especially in the early 20th century, violets held a deep symbolism. Inspired by the ancient Greek poet Sappho, who spoke of women wearing "violet tiaras," gifting violets or wearing them as pins became a subtle way for women to express Sapphic interest or signal their involvement in the community. The color lavender later became synonymous with the wider LGBTQ+ community, even giving its name to the "Lavender Menace" feminist lesbian activist group.

  
  

• Specific Attire: From the "butch" and "femme" aesthetics of mid-20th-century lesbian culture (often involving tailored suits or specific hairstyles) to the modern carabiners on belt loops favored by some queer women, fashion has always been a powerful, often unspoken, language of identity and belonging. Even things like thumb rings became subtle indicators in various lesbian subcultures.

  
  

• Monocles: In the 1920s and 30s, particularly in European lesbian clubs like "Le Monocle" in Paris, wearing a monocle was a strong sartorial statement, a nod to an independent, non-conforming femininity that resonated with many queer women.

  
  

Historical Meeting Places: Where the Codes Converged

These secret languages and cues weren't just for show; they facilitated connection in designated (or clandestinely designated) spaces.

• Molly Houses: In 18th-century London, "molly houses" were covert inns or private residences where gay men ("mollies") could gather, socialize, cross-dress, perform mock marriages, and find partners. These were often raided, but they offered crucial havens.

  
  

• Cruising Grounds: Public parks, toilets ("cottages"), and other discrete areas served as informal meeting places (cruising grounds) where coded signals like the hanky code, eye contact, and specific stances allowed men to connect.

  
  

• Speakeasies & Underground Clubs: During periods of prohibition or intense persecution, clandestine bars and clubs became vital social hubs where queer people could be more openly themselves, using their specific slang and signals with less fear. London's Gateways Club, for example, which opened in the 1930s, became one of the longest-running lesbian nightclubs of the 20th century.

  
  

The Legacy of Secret Communication

Today, in many parts of the world, the need for these elaborate secret codes has diminished as LGBTQ+ rights have progressed and visibility has increased. The internet and dating apps have transformed how people connect, offering new, often safer, avenues for finding community and partners.

However, the legacy of these queer codes lives on. They are a powerful reminder of the resilience, creativity, and unwavering spirit of the LGBTQ+ community. They demonstrate how, even in the darkest of times, people found ways to express their authentic selves, build networks of support, and ensure their survival. Learning about these "secret handshakes" isn't just a delve into history; it's a celebration of queer ingenuity and a deeper understanding of the vibrant, multifaceted tapestry of LGBTQ+ culture.